Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Waiting Game...Vegas Continued

Okay, where was I? Oh that is right...knitting while waiting for the plane...

Hey, I crack a lot of jokes and such about my weight but I think in some twisted way it makes me feel better if I just lay it out there first before somebody else does. Kind of like I am in control. I don't know, I hope it doesn't bother you all. If it does, just go with the flow, for this post anyway!

Funny thing being the one of the largest people to get on an airplane. The whole time I was waiting to get on the plane I was looking at all the other passengers waiting with me, thinking to myself, man, that is a big boy, I sure hope he isn't in my row!

When I mentioned this to John he just laughed and reminded me that the other passengers were all thinking the same thing about us! We got a kick out of that and began to imagine he and I sitting next to another "biggin" (that is what we call ourselves...long story) all of us squished into our seats, trying not to bother one another! That would be our luck at this point.

Boarding call, flight ??? to Las Vegas is now boarding. Would rows 22-18 please board at gate 24? Here we go! All the way back, back, back to the very last seats. Really, I didn't think that these seats were going to be too bad but I took one look at the seats and knew that there was no way I was going to be able to put my knitting bag under the seat in front of me and be able to get it out during flight. So, just like I did at the check-in counter I began to riffle through my bag and pull out the Never Ending Socks so if I got the chance to work on anything I had them readily available; then I stuffed my bag in the overhead storage along with my purse and John's book :-)

We sat there patiently glaring at all the people getting on the plane, wondering who was going to be the lucky person sitting next to me with the window seat. John kept joking that the person in seat 22A had won the Golden Ticket! And you know, every person getting on the plane was thinking, man, that's a big couple, I hope I am not sitting next to them!

Sometimes I wish I could just look at the person getting ready to squeeze into my row and sit in the seat next to me that the seat is taken! How great would that be? To look them squarely in the eye and say nope, can't sit here! However, that was not the case.

We did get lucky in that the girl who sat next to me was really tired and slept the entire trip. And, it wasn't me who 'overflowed' into her seat rather, she started to move into my space. That was okay though, I didn't mind. It was not like she was reclining her seat into my face!

So, the flight is completely full with spring breakers and March Madness enthusiast going to wager on the games. As we take off and are warned that it was going to be a bumpy ride. Great, that's just what I wanted. John and I snuggled in for a nice little trip. We started out with his arm around me so we could conserve space; then when his shoulder began to hurt I would lean forward enough so his broad shoulders could have some room in the seat. It was working out nicely. Then,

It wasn't more than 15 minutes into the trip that the man in front of John pulled out of his bag some sort of 'brown bag special' that he packed for the ride. The smell was rancid! I think it was something like a meatloaf sandwich and sour cream and onion chips but I am not sure. What I am sure about is the permeating smell that wafted back into our faces. Seriously, I wanted to puke! This man was an idiot.

After the flight attendants cart passed us to start handing out drinks at the front of the plane working their way back to us this man in front of John decided that he was going to recline his seat. Now, poor John is 6'3'' so he is not a short man and needs a little leg room. Prior to the guy putting his seat back John had one leg under the seat in front of me and the other in front of him. Then, after the unfortunate turn of events he had to contort his body so one leg was out in the isle and the other just between the two seats in front of us. Why not keep his left leg under my seat? Well, if the guy in front of me decided to recline his seat too John's leg would have been pinned! I am not Sh*tting you! It was like John had the idiot in front of him laying between his legs!

But that is not all! Not 1 minute after reclining his seat the idiot gets up out of his seat, stumbles over John's foot in the isle and makes his way for the bathroom for at least 10 minutes. All the while, still leaving his damn seat reclined! I could not make this up! I did my best to try and push the seat back I couldn't get it all the way up. John was miserable!

Obviously the guy could see John was in an completely uncomfortable position! You would think that when the idiot made his way back to the seat and stumbled over John's foot, again, he would then put up his seat. NOPE...instead he just reclined it back to where it was before I had pushed it up a bit! I was laughing so hard in my seat I thought I was going to wet myself. If I could have wedged my way past John's knees and the seat in front of him I would have went to the bathroom but I thought it best to try and hold it! Poor John, he kept laying his head back like he was praying to God that he would tel-port him to Las Vegas! Then he began to laugh at the whole thing too.

We were sitting there, me leaned forward to try and give John as much room as possible behind me, the girl next to me almost acting like I was her body pillow, and John hands folded in front of him with a grown man laying between his legs. The situation was comical to say the least. Oh, but it gets better!

Remember the flight attendants serving drinks? Well, it was our turn. Again, they hit John's foot in the isle an he has to some how pull it back under the seat in front of him. The lady looked down the row across from us and asked them if they wanted anything to drink. Then, she looked down our row. Her gaze met with John's puppy dog plea for help eyes and she started busting up! She offered John any drink he wanted that it was 'on her' so he ordered a Jack and Coke. Me, I just ordered a Coke.

When she went to hand us the drinks John couldn't unfold his arms without hitting the seat in front of him so I had to get the drinks and put them on the tray in front of me. Just then, the man in front of me decides he is going to take a siesta and reclines his seat back too! NOT KIDDING! Here we are, the two biggest people on the plane, in the smallest leg room seats in the very last row,with complete strangers in our laps and me with the tray out pressed up against my stomach so we can have some drinks that I now have to figure out how to serve!

Here we go, with my arms bent at the elbow and pressed back as far as possible behind me I started to maneuver the drinks on the tray. Because of the guy in front of me being relined, I could not grasp the little bottle of Jack with my whole hand and reach across my body to poor it into the cup with the ice and coke in it. So, I grab it at the neck with my left pointer finger and middle finger, like a scissor hold (if I had my camera out I would have taken pictures but it was in the overhead compartment). Then, with my right pointer finger I pushed the cup over to the bottle so I could poor some of the Jack into it. So far, so good. I put the bottle down and push the cup back to the other side of the tray with my finger again towards John. Who now has to figure out how he is going to grab the cup and be able to drink from it without disturbing the delicate situation he was in! I swear, I felt like I was on some sort of bar tending challenge show!

After the whole drinking episode I thought that I would try to knit on my socks to kill time so I leaned as far forward as I could (with the guy in front of me still leaning back) and knit my socks while John sat miserably next to me sending voodoo vibes towards the idiot! Can you believe that this fool kept his seat reclined back the ENTIRE TRIP! It was miserable.

The highlight was when the flight attendants started to ask me questions about my socks. You know, talking about knitting always makes me feel better! They both told me that it looked too hard and I assured them that if I could do it on a plane, in a seat as small as this one with a complete strange nearly sitting in my lap, they could do it to! They laughed and said I must be right!

Finally, we arrived! The minute we were able to stand up John jumped out of his seat and just stood next to the galley in the back of the plane until we could get off!

We got our luggage relatively fast and made our way to the rental car booth. John was told by the lady that we needed to jump on the shuttle to the Hertz place and check in there since we had purchased our rental over the Internet. Okay, off to the shuttle.

Shuttle was not bad and it was only a few minutes away to the place. We jumped off and John bolted inside so he could beat everybody else that was on the shuttle with us. He was third in line and there where three people checking people in. GREAT! This shouldn't take any amount of time at all! WRONG!

We were there for an hour just to check in! For the first thirty minutes I had to watch one of the employees flirt with the two women he was getting a car for then walk them to their car and not come back for another 10 minutes. I looked at the guy sitting next to me and asked him if he thought the dude got their number.

I looked then at John who was totally ticked off! Finally, we get our minivan. Off to the Hotel.

By now it is 1:00 am (2:00 in Colorado). We are both tired as we had both gotten up at 4:00am that morning. Now, we had to fight the cabbies, drunk drivers, drunk pedestrians, street walkers, and beggars to get down the strip to our hotel. John drove while I looked at the map and directed him. This kind of teamwork doesn't usually work out too well as I am ALWAYS right and John doesn't think so :-) But, I think because of the sleep deprivation, we were just too tired to argue and he followed my direction directly to the hotel parking garage. We jokingly referred to ourselves as Kentucky from the Amazing Race. Thinking that if we were on the Amazing Race it would be a hoot since I don't have many patience when it comes to...well that is not entirely true, I have patience but I am so darn competitive that I get b*tchy when I am loosing. Anyway, that is neither here nor there.

The parking garage was packed full! When we finally got a spot I made sure to jot down the spot number as I had no idea where we were and I wasn't entirely sure I would remember what kind of car we were driving in the morning! Meanwhile, John pulled the bags out of the trunk and got us headed in the right direction. While walking to the elevators I started to mention to John that I just wanted to go check-in then go to bed so I didn't have to deal with any sluts.

Just then, three sluts jumped out of a Tahoe. People, I was almost embarrassed to having had even glanced their way! Their attire or lack there of was astonishing! One girl who looked like she was 18 was wearing a skin tight, black and white striped (like an old prison suit) Lycra dress that literally went just below her butt, wearing NO underwear, the front had a V-neck that went down to her navel and was laced up with a string, NO bra, HUGE hoop earrings and tons of makeup. Her partners in crime where dressed in a similar manner as well.

Wouldn't you know it that we were all, of course, going to the elevators together. I had made it up in my mind right then that there was no way in HELL I was getting on the elevator with these girls. However, I guess John didn't mind because when the elevator dinged he was right in line behind them to jump on! (hum...) I looked at him and said sternly "WE will wait for the next one!"

He looked at me and very quickly said "Okay". Good Boy! I had never felt more out of place in my life than standing there waiting for the elevator with those girls holding my knitting bag, wearing my crocheted poncho, no make up on and my hair in dismay. Man, I am getting old! I later found out that there is a raunchy night club at the Venetian called Tao which is where I am assuming these children were off to. YUCK!

Finally, we found our way to the concierge desk and began to check in with a lovely lady who was from Colorado Spring (which John called her every time we saw her on our trip...she seemed to like it). Everything was going just fine when CO. Springs had to go in the back for something. When she came back she told us that she was giving us a room with a view of the Strip for no extra charge. Finally, things seem to be going better...Lady Luck has smiled our way :-)

Then, CO. Springs slips into the conversation that the room has two queen beds instead of one king like we ordered. Woooo, Woooo, Woooo, wait a minute! Did I mention that John and I are not small people? We have a king at home because us sleeping on a queen is not comfortable and I refuse to go on vacation and sleep on a queen when I ordered a KING. John pipes up first and says that is not going to work. We don't care about the view, it is important for us to have a king bed. CO. Springs begins to tell us then that the hotel gave our room away and there were no more available kings. Any happiness I had just fizzled away at that moment.

"Look, I am not trying to be a difficult person here," I said, "but we have three kids at home and my husband and I don't get to go on vacation much. This trip was a chance for us to sleeping together in the same bed without any kid related interruptions. Now, a queen bed is not going to cut it as we are NOT SMALL PEOPLE. We NEED a king size bed so please don't mistake my hostility for being spoiled or something." Long pause..." Is there anyway to look at the suites for a king and upgrade us to that for no charge?"

CO. Springs goes in the back again which I am guessing is the VIP services or something and returned with the approval to give us a King Bed Suite. We get our keys and we are off to bed!

Oh man, I couldn't wait to jump into bed and get some sleep. We get to the door and open it up to an amazing room! I walk in and John walks in behind me and says "Damn"!

I took a video of the room but can't get it to upload to YouTube so these few pictures will have to do...sorry!

This room was great! The bathroom was great! The sitting area was great! I am telling you, this room made up for all the crap we went through for the past 12 hours. Especially that tub. I dropped my things and immediately filled the tub with hot water and bubbles and soaked for 30 minutes with no interruptions. Well, almost no interruptions.

It was when we hit the room that John got his little interruption. While I was in the tub he was on the toilet. Poor guy had a rough day. After he cleared his system he jumped in the shower to wash off the day and we went to bed.

Okay, if you are still with me to this point...thank you!

I will stop the post here and talk about the rest on the next post. Including:

  • Worlds Best breakfast Buffet
  • Drive to Alamo for Rapport Graduation
  • Dinner at Lawry's Prime Rib (YUM)
  • Driving
  • Our Big Night of Fun
  • Yarn Shop :-)
  • Plane Ride Home
I told you this story was a long one!

FYI: I just finished my most recent Felted Crochet Handbag and I am totally in LOVE! I am calling it Firecracker. As soon as the post about the Vegas Trip conclude I will post about that! Oh, I can't hardly wait!


Jean said...

Do the young girls not know that Britney Spears' drug-riddled, alcohol-soaked, pantyless, rampage across Vegas is NOT something one would want to emulate? Meanwhile, the guy sitting in front of John is just another example of the rampant douchebagery which seems to be taking over the country. Is it a sign of my cynicism that his oblivious, bad manners are not at all surprising or shocking to me?

meredith said...

That was hysterical!!! I can't wait to hear more. Glad you got a nice room though!

Melody said...

glad I am laughing with you & not at you... oh man your poor hubby..sweet suite

kaoticorchid said...

Wow! What a nice room! Sounds like you had quite an adventure!