Saturday, April 28, 2007

What gives people the nerve?

Please forgive the wordy post...but I have to get this off my chest!

I don't claim to be an excellent speller! I don't claim to be an excellent writer! I don't claim to be anything really other than the obvious (Christian, wife, mommy, crocheter, knitter, blogger, podcaster...so on).

Why am I telling you all this? Because of this...

The other day I posted on all my yahoo groups a request for suggestions. Suggestions regarding the Podcast Rumble KAL and CAL I am trying to get started. Here is what I wrote:

Hello there everybody, my name is Marly and I put on a podcast called
Yarn Thing. I thought it might be fun to do a Knit-along and a
Crochet-along with the podcast and I am currently looking for idea's
and suggestions.

Not sure how it is all going to pan out but my initial idea's are as
follows...

Podcast vs. Podcast: have two podcast compete against one another
working on the same pattern. One podcast could be knitters and the
other crocheters

Knitters vs. Crocheters: again, working on the same project but
instead of including another podcast keep it "in house" if you will

Just good old fashion fun: don't make any contest out of it but pick a
simple pattern and let each person SPICE it up in any way they see fit
and let us all decide who's is the best...

Again, these are just suggestions and I am looking for more. So, have
a listen to my podcast and take a look at the podcast blog, leave me
comments as to what you would like to see or do!

Can't wait to hear from you all!

Marly
Blog: http://knitthing.blogspot.com
Podcast: http://knitthing.mypodcast.com
Podcast Blog: http://yarnthing.blogspot.com
I know there are a few grammatical errors in there but after it is posted you can do nothing about it...I didn't worry about it too much. Until, that is, I read this posted on the group:
Re: KAL and CAL Podcast Rumble?

Forgive this fiber bug for being such a stickler with spelling but it
gives me a toothache when I see the 's which is a shortened form of
the verb to be as in "she's" for "she is" used in place of the plural
form.

And so, no matter how many ideas you get, it is wrong to
spell "idea's" like you did twice, and also, "whose" project is best,
and not "who's".

Also I don't see what knitting and crocheting projects are doing in a
FELTING group.

Now for the contest thing, I see you realize that playing who-is-best
is somehow childish. Enough already with the competitive spirit. Find
another source of motivation. Allow anyone who wants to participate
to express themselves without concern for a putative jury.
(I took off her name so I don't get into trouble)

Man, after I read that I felt like dirt. I couldn't believe that anybody would cut me down so deeply and not even know me! Over GRAMMAR! The next post was from another woman; I was hoping that she was writing to say that what was said to me was uncalled for:
> Forgive this fiber bug for being such a stickler with spelling but it
> gives me a toothache when I see the 's which is a shortened form of
> the verb to be as in "she's" for "she is" used in place of the plural

> form.

> And so, no matter how many ideas you get, it is wrong to
> spell "idea's" like you did twice, and also, "whose" project is best,

> and not "who's".

Bravo for having the guts to point out these common errors! I was
roasted on another list a few years ago for having the gall to quietly
mention the same thing.

> Also I don't see what knitting and crocheting projects are doing in a
> FELTING group.

I disagree. Knitted and crochet objects are often felted, so to me,
this is not off base for this group.

> Now for the contest thing, I see you realize that playing who-is-best
> is somehow childish. Enough already with the competitive spirit.

Another nod of agreement here!
(Again, left the name off on purpose) Oh man, I was in tears! I am not joking, streams of tears rolling down my face! How stupid I felt to actually be crying over something like this. But really, it hurt me! Why do people see it necessary to berate somebody publicly? What gives them the nerve?

I didn't know how to respond. I was hurt and angry; but I knew that was not the appropriate way to address the situation. I wanted to leave the group immediately but again, that would be like letting them win. Instead, I wrote this:
Re: KAL and CAL Podcast Rumble?

First of all,

I would like to apologize for the spelling errors. Sometimes I make
mistakes...but don't we all. Next time, please point such errors out
to an individual in email, not to the group, please.

As for the crochet or knitting aspect of the post...I often crochet
items then felt them to make beautiful things so I did not think this
was out of line for a felting group. If I am incorrect, please let me
know.

As for the competition, it was only meant to have some fun. Not for
validation or anything! And it is not to judge what project is
best...I was only trying to get a little friendly competition with
knitters vs. crocheters. Projects would not be judged. I don't even
know how all this will plan out. Thus the request for ideas

I understand that you are frustrated but I must say, that when I
opened my email this morning and noticed that you all had replied to
my post...I was excited to see that somebody had take the time to
write something. Only to quickly get my excitement replaced with
humility and sorrow. I am sorry I offended you with my spelling
errors and with the talk of knitting and crochet and with the friendly
competition. But please know, no matter how much you might have not
intended to, you did hurt my feelings. :-(

Marly.
I think that just about sums it up.

I have received a few emails from other members of the group telling me they are sorry for the words of the rude individuals and that is really nice! It is not everyday that perfect strangers stick up for you when a bully is putting you down.

I want to say THANK YOU to these strangers and let them know they really lifted my morale.

And to anybody out there who feels it necessary to
write such rude comments to people...
find something better to do than cut others down...
If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!

Rant Over :-) Marly




20 comments:

Selena K said...

I think you handled that very well. But why are you apologizing for spelling errors? If you really think those petty people were somehow "hurt" by your misuse of an apostrophe, you could type your post in MS Word and spell-check it before posting, but in my opinion life is too short to get offended by grammar. You should have asked them what SPELLING had to do with a felting group.

Saffron said...

So sorry your feelings got hurt. I hate when things like that happen. I would think the content of your post would be more important than a few errors. I think your response was great! Take care! :)

knitting2relax said...

Some people have too much time on their hands to be publicly commenting on spelling. If it bugs someone that much, a private conversation is much better.
Keep going with your KAL/CAL. If someone doesn't want to play he/she may stay home.

Allegra said...

These people must have too much time on their hands and nothing worthy of doing. Really. I cannot believe they were so rude. Sure, I notice when people misspell or use improper grammar, but who cares?!?!? We're not writing Nobel Peace Prize literature (and anyway, we would have an editor at that point!). There always has to be one or two in a group to be party poopers.
Sorry I missed meeting you yesterday! I almost passed out three times and had to call in sick to work, so no knitty play for me :(

Tammy said...

I agree, too much time on their hands, their are bigger issues going on in our world than spelling or grammar mistakes. Besides, we are human, not God.

I have this philosophy, though sometimes it is hard to remember, "in one ear, out the other".

Take care, AND I am loving the podcasts!!

Jean said...

I'm so sorry you had to experience such unpleasantness. You handled yourself very well and took the high ground. I only wish that your critic would have taken the high ground too, and not been so petty as to chastise such a minor thing in a public forum.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
~Theodore Roosevelt

Stephanie said...

Email and message board posts can sometimes be hard to interpret the intention --- but if someone has a big issue, they should have sent you a personal message...not one of the board.

To point out spelling mistakes is ridiculous. I think you handled it well with your response --- good for you!

It's unfortunate that some people try to ruin things for others...

I like Selena's comment about what spelling has to do with a felting group...hahahaha!

Victoria said...

Marly, you have ever right to rant...those comments were beyond being rude...it was hateful......I have to say that the fact that you removed names tells us all what kind of person you are....a good one who would not publically insult others....they did deserve but I am extremely impressed with your higher standards ...you said what needed and had to see without posting the names of those who your words were geared towards
good for you!

Suzanne said...

Wow, that was pretty obnoxious of whoever wrote that. There certainly has been a trend lately of mean schoolma'arm bloggers! I think your response was terrific and I wish you didn't have to go through that. Keep your chin up!

Purple Princess said...

Marly, it was so nice to meet you. Nice blog. Don't worry about spelling so what .... I don't know about you but even though I can spell, my brain works faster than my fingers and sometimes words get misspelled...so what! Everyone knows what you are saying. I think you have done an excellent job on you blog and I enjoy it and will add it to my read list. Leanne

Donna said...

Are ya kiddin' me??? Somebody had the audacity to point out spelling and grammar errors?

You were much more gracious than I would have been. My reply would have been "When I want to improve my spelling and grammar, I will subscribe to such a list. Until then I am interested in learning more about my passions, which are knitting and crochet."

Don't let it get you down. We are only human and make mistakes. Only Jesus is perfect -and He loves you!!!

Knit/Crochet on............ :-)

Melody said...

some people have nothing better to do with their time and energy. jackholes! don't give them an extra second of your thoughts.. their stupid!

Terri Lynn said...

I am so glad you stuck up for yourself! I always try to get in a frame of mind and think, okay, who hurt this person that they have to spread the hurt? It's kinda like the shame blame game: I am ashamed of something I did, so I will remind you of your faults (blame you) in order that I may feel so much better! But what they don't know is that this is a vicious game of denial, not coping with their own lack of self esteem.

The Bible says that how we judge others is how we will be judged.

I say "take it easy"!

kaoticorchid said...

That was horrible! You took that very gracefully, and I commend you for it. Thank goodness that there are kind people who wanted to apologize about the others' behavior, even if it wasn't their place to. This reminds me about the post the Yarn Harlot made awhile back about this-apparently she was getting EMAILS pointing out supposed spelling mistakes from blog posts of hers. The audacity!

Kara said...

Hang in there - I think that some people have way to much time on their hands and that they are just pains in the ... well you know where -
I think you handle the situtation the best that you could and know you just need to move on, as hard as that might be -

Yaya said...

So sorry that someone was not so nice to you. I've read a few posts on other blogs concerning similar situations. It's a total bummer that people are getting rude comments on blogs or groups. I realize that blogs are open to the public and subject to people's opinions, but there's no need for being inconsiderate. I agree that a private message would have been a better approach if they just couldn't live without pointing out spelling mistakes. . .

Way to take the high road and defend yourself. Keep smiling :-)

Pink Raven said...

Hey kiddo! Venting is good! ;-)
I've been trying to get an e-mail to you but aol keeps bouncing it back to me. Do you have an alternate e-mail addy?

Rae

Pink Raven said...

Okay, here's the mail that AOL keeps refusing. Feel free to delete it if I'm too snarky! LOL!!!

I was waiting for a day or so to see if anyone said anything else... because I'm so darn nosey... LOL!!! But no one has spoken up and I'm unsubbing from WoolFelters now too. Yea, I noticed that she seemed to make a point of mispelling your name. I really think she was trying to bait you there. After all this I did go to see what her website was out of curiosity and I stayed there reading for at least an hour going deeper into the links. The woman is totally-utterly psycho... her family is out to murder her... getting hit by a bus and breaking her leg was her survival of attempted murder. Really... you gotta go read some of this stuff if you haven't already! http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Thebes/8889/index.html it's actually fascinating in a sick sort of way.

Oh yea and I got the other group back in gear.... I don't know if anything will come of it, but it won't hurt to try!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Art_Felt/

Rae

rohanknitter said...

Geez, I think we all sometimes make grammar/spelling mistakes when we're online and anyone who would make so much of it is being silly. I know it's hard when you're the one being singled out, but when I read stuff like that I figure that person must have something going on within themselves to be so rude to another person on a public forum. I read on a gal's blog yesterday that the she didn't want to submit any more designs to an online knitting magazine because she'd gotten so many mean and hyper-critical emails about her pattern that had been published. That is so sad!! Down with mean people!!

Kim said...

Holy crap Marly! I just read this and can't believe it! I don't understand why people feel the need to prove themselves at the expense of others.
I love the way you handled it. I would have been so hurt and sad also that I probably would have just let them win and leave. Your post was very well written.
((((((HUGS))))))