Get On With It

I can't sleep tonight. I have been up since 2 am and just can not seem to go back to bed. I fell asleep about 11:30 tired as can be after reading my brand new book. My husband surprised me with a new book that I wanted, Big Girl Knits. How sweet of him to buy me a knitting book even though he thinks I have too many as it is. He is so good to me. Being a big girl who knits this book is right up my ally. The information in it is just amazing. So amazing that I was dreaming about knitting the entire two and a half hours I was asleep. Maybe that was my problem, my mind got too excited and didn't think sleep was as important as knitting ;-)

Because I couldn't sleep I got up and decided I would get on the computer to mess around a little bit.

I started by checking my email, then I checked the Yarn Harlot blog, then I decided I would add to my blog. It is about time right? I haven't written anything in over a year. It took me a while to actually remember my login name and password but I finally got it. When I took a look at my page I noticed how bare it was. Thinking I would put a picture of myself on here for all of you too see, I went downstairs to get my camera. Well, I got the camera only to find out that my USB cord will not plug into my camera! I have no idea why Kodak would give me a cord to hook my camera up to my computer that doesn't even fit. Does that make any sense to you? So, needless to say, my profile still doesn't have a picture of me nor does it have any pictures of my wip or ufo's.

Blogging is so new to me but it intreges me so much. While I was reading various blogs the other day I decided I would start to write down all the subjects that I would like to write about on a piece of paper. I have quite a list going; I can hardly bleive it. I thought some more about writting and came to the realization that I really haven't written anything out as far as journaling or such in over 10 years! It was in High School that I last journaled and only then it was an assignment form my 12th grade English teacher, Mr. Houser.

Mr. Houser was great. He inspired me to be so much more than I thought I could me. His class was exciting to me. We had a journal that we had to keep an entry in for every day we were in his class. He told us that it was a great way to archive your life and the happenings around you at various times. I think about it now being a 28 year old mom of 3 and know that he was right. A journal would have been great to have kept during my college years, my newlywed years, my mothering years (not that those ever really stop) my life! There are so many things that I have forgotten and so many things I wish I could forget. Ironically my 10 year reunion is next weekend. I am not going (long story) but I wonder if Mr. Houser will be there. (Where am I going with this?)

I guess what I am saying is that I hope this blog becomes more than just a BLOG. I want it to be more than the "in" thing to do. I hope that writing something down will truely help me be...more.

I will tell you one thing, writting this blog will help me express my thoughts more clearly and hopefully help me become a better writter.

Back to knitting....

I have, over the past year, become obsessed with knitting. I can't get enough! I am reading more books about knitting than I read my entire five years in college! (Yes, five years...I was an athlete and that amount of time is needed to jugle both sport, school and fun :-) ) Not only am I reading but my mind is bomb barded with ideas for sweaters, afghans, hats, scarves, baby sets, you name it I have most likely thought about it. I have even thought about writting books. I am sure that after reading my writting style you all are thinking that book would never get published, but who knows.

When I read inspiring things it makes me dream about yarn and patterns and needles and...and...a sense of fulfillment. I call my mom often and tell her of my dreams of becoming somebody in the world of knitting. She is so great. See, my mom hates knitting; she claims that she doesn't have the patience for it. BUT she completely appreciates the art and respects those who love it. Recently I knit my first pair of socks and gave them to my mom. She was so happy and I know that she will take such good care of them.



I digress...mom tells me to go for it...to take advantage of this gift that God has bestowed on me. She tells me to make a living out of something I love.

Her advice is great but it scares me. See, I have always had this bad habbit of believing I can do something but not taking the steps to actually achieving it. Almost as if just knowing that I Could achieve it is enough. Like, if I don't actually try I can't fail. What a sorry way to go through life! I did that my entire sporting career. I could have been great but never wanted to take the extra step to be great in fear I would fall flat on my face. What do you say then? I wasn't great? In my mind I think that saying I could have been great is better than saying I wasn't great. However, by not trying to be great I WASN'T great! But, that is my warped sense of self. So, when it comes to actually taking that step to being what I want to be I am scared out of my mind.

What if I enter contest and don't win; what if I submit patterns and magazines say no thank you. What if I am not that GOOD! What if I try and fail? Then again, what if I try and suceed?

My friend once told me "Don't put God in a box". Is that what I am doing? Should I try to be more than a knitter and become a KNITTER with a capital K? My heart tells me yes, my mind feels numb, and my soul is shouting...GET ON WITH IT!